“Your beliefs become your thoughts,
Your thoughts become your words,
Your words become your actions,
Your actions become your habits,
Your habits become your values,
Your values become your destiny.” – Mahatma Gandhi
It is every mother’s dream that her children should grow up with the right values. How easy it would have been if they just listened and became what we preach. But it is never so easy. The way children learn values is by observing what you do and drawing conclusions about what you think is important in life. Regardless of what you consciously teach them, they will emerge from childhood with clear views on what you really value.
Children are very good at observing and unconsciously imitating as well. For example, if you, as a mother, don’t respect yourself, your children will also not develop self-respect for themselves. So we need to first sort out our own priorities in life — to know exactly what kind of person we are.
Believe me, kids are a lot smarter these days, and if you have any issues of your own, no matter how hard you try to hide them, they can easily see through it. Whether it is your relationship with your husband, your parents, or in-laws — try to work on it, because all the negativity will be passed on to your kids. Even if you have had certain bad experiences in the past, let go of them. Instead, put all your energy into the present moment for the sake of your kids. How often do we ask our children to let the past be past, but do we apply the same rule to ourselves? Then how can we expect them to change?
If you are a weak, people-pleasing person, do you really think that your kid will end up becoming strong? Since we all are human, it is very natural to have problems. But if you are even unintentionally taking them out on your children frequently, then something is going wrong with your values. It could be a bad day at the office or a fight with your husband — the list could be endless. You are all bottled up because you couldn’t fight with your boss or win an argument with your husband, and then, due to a silly mistake by your kids, before realizing it, you pour all your frustration on them.
Every ugly thing told to a child, every shame, every fright, or disdain given to them will remain like splinters in the flesh or unconscious mind, torturing them throughout their life.
The key is to first change yourself before trying to mold your kid. First, be happy yourself — only then can you expect them to be happy. A mother and child share a very special bond, so much so that even a slight change in your facial expression is noticed by your kid.
Live each day with happiness, bravery, and without regret so that your kid will learn the same. Choose compassion over arrogance, courage over fear, joy over pessimism, action over indecision, encouragement over envy, enthusiasm over anger, and laughter over despondency. You will see that in no time your kids will start showing the same traits.